The Pros and Cons of Starbucks
Pro: They are located pretty much EVERYWHERE these days.
Con: Because EVERY betch loves Starbucks, they’re usually packed with other trendy betches.
Pro: So. Many. Choices.
Con: Too. Many. Choices. How does one decide between a coffee, a latte, an espresso or a holiday drink??
Pro: You feel fancy and exotic and superior when you’re ordering “A Skinny Mocha Latte with an Espresso Shot and Skim Milk.”
Con: Some of us still can’t pronounce half the things on the menu, and they don’t appreciate when we say the word “medium.”
Pro: It’s cheaper than drugs. And coffee is our crack.
Con: It’s not cheap. Those Pumpkin Spice lattes start to add up. I’m yet to understand how milk is so much more expensive because you steam it.
Pro: The atmosphere makes you feel like a super trendy betch. People are on their laptops, iPhones, reading intellectual books, and having important / casual meetings
Con: How do people get things done here?! There are always blenders blending, shakers shaking, and baristas yelling the names on orders ready. If you weren’t ADD before, you will be after sitting there for an hour
Pro: There are so many people coming in and out it’s a great place to post up and people watch while you do your work.
Con: If you do happen to be posted up, it’s next to impossible to focus and not eavesdrop on the conversations happening at the table 12 inches from you.
Pro: They have “skinny” versions of many of the drinks so you feel guilt free for indulging and figure you can drink your calories later that night at the bar.
Con: Most places now post the calories, and they’re not as “skinny” as you thought. Those monsters. If we wanted to know the calories of a cake pop we’d fucking ask.
Pro: You can even earn VIP status and rewards by being a loyal customer and receiving a Gold Card. It’s the caffeinated betches version of a Black Card.
Con: If you’re not a regular you feel out of place and shunned. You’ve missed the memo on how to pronounce these drinks and you’re not on a first name basis with the barista.